Every year, the number of studies proving the physical, emotional, psychological and even social benefits of sex and orgasms keeps growing. These days, it is not a secret that sex is an effective calorie burner and that orgasms can do wonders for your health, but when it comes to more in-depth inquiries, it is easy to get caught up in facts and figures. Sex is not such a straightforward topic to address. It is quite complex because it has so many variables. As this piece is an updated version, I will not be making mention of basic things I assume you know from .
It is no news that sex has reached insane heights. There is always a new location, a new position, a new fetish. But would there be a need to improve on perfection? The problem with sex these days is that no one has time for anything. Not a lot of people put effort into foreplay and intimacy anymore. People just want to “hit”. In the end, we are left with sexually frustrated women with pink ovaries and partners who think they are the shit. Most of sex arousal is in the mind. Some women can actually have orgasms without any physical stimulation. If her mind is turned on, you do not need to worry too much about the body.
o Start early. Send her a sultry text to begin her day thinking about what you will be doing to her at the end of it. Have phone sex, if you really want to get it in.
o Do not halfass it. Foreplay is not a chore. Watch her. Look at how she reacts to how you touch her or kiss her. You will save yourself time wasted on trial and error.
o Remember that with sex, the wetter the better. But the more insecure or anxious she gets, the less likely you are to get laid, so ease her mind, look into her eyes, tell her how beautiful she is, kiss her neck, give her a booty rub and if she is getting the whole package, finish off with a full erotic body massage with some cinnamon oil (thank me later). You might want to be a little extra, especially with women who are survivors of some form of sexual trauma or women who suffer from or . Also, not all lesbians are fans of strap-on dildos just as some heterosexual couples do not prioritize penetration, so invest more time in foreplay.
FACTS AND TIPS
o The average vagina, even when properly lubricated cannot take a penis or dildo that is longer than 8 inches and has a big girth so if that is what you are working with, be gentle, especially with a virgin.
o You can get registered as a sex offender in Ghana if you are caught having sex in public but for those of you adrenaline junkies, you can do it in your car, after dark for added privacy. Make sure your car is parked and the key is out of the ignition. Bring towels for post sex clean-up and to protect your ass from the seat if it is made out of leather.
o Learn to carry condoms in your wallet, get tested every 2 to 3 months and use the bathroom before and after sex.
o Laughter, teasing and silliness is essential in your connection or your sex life is doomed even before it started.
o Do not do kegel exercises on a full bladder.
o Know your woman. Do not stop or switch positions when you notice that she likes what you are doing. If she says stay right there, DO. NOT. MOVE.
o The internet is not your doctor. WebMD will have you thinking you died 4 years ago when you just wanted to know why your cum looks different. Go see an actual doctor.
o Guys, do not let anyone lie to you. Size does matter. Not whether it is big or small but as in how it fits and how you use it. So sell your sexual prowess more than you sell the size of your package.
o If you have a lot of casual sex, make sure you use protection, know your status, be open about who you are (in terms of your sexuality), communicate what you want and know your boundaries.
o Do not think your sex life is dead now that you are married. Ghanaians tend to disregard therapy but allow me to encourage you to go for sex therapy. One mistake a lot of married couples make is make provision for all aspects of marriage except sex. You go for financial advice, religious marriage counselling, etc. Add sex therapy to the list.
First of all, if you are just going to lick like a cat drinking milk and slobber all over without actually doing anything, do yourself a favour and do not bother.
With cunninglingus, you have to learn how to use your tongue in isolation and then together with your lips. The clitoris is similar to the penis in the sense that they both have foreskin, erectile tissue and a shaft. It can either be hidden underneath the clitoral hood or be out in the open. The clit can be stimulated by a vibrator, during penetrative sex or by manual stimulation.
I have found that placing it in between the thumb and the index finger and gently massaging or simply uncloaking the clit and gently grazing over the tip with your fingernails produces the best results. Your teeth can also mimic this movement during oral sex. For fingering, make sure she is wet enough then place 1 or 2 fingers inside the vagina canal and repeatedly curl them up in the form of a hook (in a “come here” motion). This usually does the trick. You can try that while 69-ing, allowing her to ride the north face or even while doing the golden apple.
Ladies, do not finger your partner if you have your nails painted. Also, brush your teeth and clean or trim your nails as females are susceptible to urinary tract infections and other vaginal bacterial infections. You can choose to use a dental dam during oral sex as well. Eat her out for her to cry. If she is not crip walking laying down, begging you to be inside her at the end of it, I am not saying anything but….
Be careful with your teeth though. The clit is, after all, the most sensitive part of the body.
The last thing you want to do is switch between cunninglingus and anilingus without brushing your teeth or at least rinsing your mouth with water.
Guys, do not push her head down your penis during fellatio. You could potentially scar her throat and tonsils. Let her go at her own pace. Ladies, relax. You do not have to be overzealous during fellatio. Instead, when deep throating, try to ball up your left hand into a fist, stick your tongue underneath the penis and breathe through your mouth and I guarantee you will have little to no gag reflex. If you have doubts, try with your toothbrush first.
There are a lot of different tools and products that help make your sex life better. It could be a dildo like the rabbit or other toys like kegel balls, nipple clamps, butt plugs, vibrators, cock rings, etc. Others include role play costumes, , harnesses and shower sex handles. You can get all these products online from ghanasextoys on Instagram or Snapchat, , , or the Odoasem adult shop inside Abelemkpe, Accra. At this time, I do not know of any adult toy shop in Kumasi or any other parts of Ghana.
Durex has an amazing line of water based artificial lubricants to help your vagina stay lubricated throughout intercourse and prevent chaffing or tearing.
Usually, regular or standard sizes fit up to 7 inch penises. Go a size up if you are working with longer. There exists a wide range of brands to cater to your sexual needs so use any condom of your choice as long as your partner is not allergic to it.
SEX AND ORGASMS
Great lovers are made, not born because practise makes perfect and sex is no different. Enjoy it however you want but everything in moderation. Big penises and dildos are not meant for everyone. That sharp pain you feel deep inside you when it is moved a certain way is not normal. The cervix is one of the slowest healing areas of the body. But if, for some reason, Mandingo is your preference, adjust with proper positioning. For women who have recently given birth, use positions such as the spoon or x marks the spot for tighter penetration until your vagina snaps back to normal. Women who experience vaginal dryness should figure out the cause and remedy it. Does your partner not spend enough time on foreplay? Do you have a latex sensitivity? Are you taking any antibiotic medications? Or are you having long periods of sex?
You should learn to make the most out of your sexual experiences, which is why I am going to show you how best to achieve orgasm with positioning according to the shape or size of the penis or dildo.
o The Scimifar: Curves upward and may be thick toward the end. Try standing positions, spank me later, etc
o The Lighthouse: Narrower at the tip. Use doggie, jockey, etc
o The Rule: Straight with the same size throughout. Try the standing doggie position.
o The Chiquita: Shorter in length but may be heavier in girth. Use the leaned in butterfly, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, etc
If your dildo or penis size is a combination of 2 or more of the types mentioned, try any of the positions to see what works best for you and your partner. Scissoring is also best productive if both partners are of similar body sizes.
Squirter or not, achieving orgasm may not be the height of sex for everyone but reaching orgasm can be very beneficial. During sex, the amygdala and prefrontal cortex of a woman’s brain, the parts responsible for fear and anxiety, decrease in activity but during climax, we experience a complete shut down in the area of the brain directly behind the left eye which controls reasoning and behaviour, which is why you tend to lose control when you orgasm. In fact, some neurologists have likened the brain of the orgasmic mind to that of one on a heroine high. Knowing your partner’s body and what her sexual needs are, exploring her body and its erogenous zones could even lead her to a . A simultaneous orgasm is one of the most intimate yet exciting things a couple can share during sex, yet like so many good things, it does not come easy. To enjoy that, consider , engaging in it after the first round (for heterosexual couples) or engaging in positions that induce blended orgasms. Also, learning positions that make your partner ejaculate quickly can be useful as something to avoid at the beginning and something to switch to at the end to see you both through an explosive shared finish.
ANAL SEX AND ANILINGUS
When people hear “anal sex”, they assume that women who engage in it only do it to please their partners and not because they enjoy it. That it is just pain, no pleasure and that men who like anal sex are gay. Most of these thoughts are based on the misconception that anal sex is dirty, which is understandable. This is, after all, the orifice you defecate from, but that is not entirely accurate. In fact, there is very little fecal matter in the rectum which can easily be taken care of with a thorough cleanse in the shower before sex, just like with urine and the vagina. The colon is actually where the body stores poop, which makes the anatomy involved in anal sex nothing but an exit passageway.
Certain people are unwilling to try anal sex because they cannot fathom how it could possibly be pleasurable. But it is. Women experience indirect stimulation of the clitoris during anal sex. As we know, the clitoris has a larger internal structure which branches into 2 “legs” that wrap around the vagina. These parts can be stimulated by anal penetration. Also, the g-spot can be stimulated by the pressure of the penis in the rectum, pushing against the vagina. That is how some women can still squirt during anal sex.
If anal sex is on your bucket list, consider positioning, lubes and condoms. Not only for protection, condoms actually make anal sex better because their smoothness responds better to lube than skin does. Condoms also glide easier because of the artificial lubricant they are laced with which makes them more comfortable.
While we are here, let us talk about another frowned upon sexual act. Period sex is one of those things that is always drenched in a false dichotomy of nasty versus unspiritual. In a lot of cultures and religions, blood is seen as sacred and as such “should not be joked with”. This is something, I think, you should find out and decide for yourself. Apart from the fact that it can help ease your cramps, period sex can be very enjoyable. Experts advise to have period sex only on low flow days or on days of regular flow in the shower or on a sex blanket. However, the cervix tends to shift from its natural position during menstruation so positions that usually feel good may be painful during that time. Also, use protection: some women can get pregnant even from period sex.
I do not think that threesomes between 3 strictly heterosexual people is possible unless at least one of them is very sexually evolved. Your 2nd partner may be more physically attractive than you are or more sexually skilled than you are. Do not try to have a threesome if you have insecurities. It is not a competition. It is sex.
Just make sure that you actually want to do it, you guys are on the same page and that you are comfortable. Set the ground rules, know your boundaries, know one another’s status, make sure your toys are sterilized and you are good to go.
Another sexual “taboo” is kinky sex. Contrary to popular opinion, kinky sex is not just restricted to . There is a misconception that people who like kinky sex are just projecting their childhood sexual traumas and that BDSM practitioners (especially men) are abusive and aggressive. Actually, they are some of the calmest, most responsible people you will ever meet. There is a level of discipline, patience and meticulous skill set that comes with practising kinky sex. However, I cannot stress enough on the importance of trust, just as with every other type of sex on the spectrum. Either way, know your boundaries and agree on a safe word.
From , and orgasm denial to edging, BDSM and playing with toys (Tip: You can remove the nipple clamps right before she is about to orgasm. The rush of blood back to the nipples combined with the clitoral or g-spot stimulated orgasm is MIND BLOWING!)
A major part of this conversation is sexual fetishes. A fetish is any concept, activity or material thing needed to achieve an elevated state of sexual arousal. A true fetishist requires to have their individual kink present to reach a state of sexual satisfaction. It could be role play, , , , , domination, submission, bondage, etc. Bondage is one of the commonest forms of kinky sex. You can get a whole restraint set online for about 200ghc or less, depending on where you are buying from but if you just want to try it to see how you like it, I recommend using clothing items such as neck ties and shoelaces.
Aftercare is very important in kinky sex. It is one element that BDSM practitioners have built into their sex lives to make sure that everyone involved feels safe and cared for after playtime. Whether you are into BDSM or more , aftercare is something every sexually active person should be doing.
With a new generation of more sexually liberated people, awareness for STIs is also on a rise, and with stories of all over our social media, you cannot trust anyone (especially casual sex hookups) to keep you safe. STIs are nothing new. Neither are condoms, and yet as STI rates go up, condom usage is at an all-time low. Stay safe. There is nothing embarrassing about going on a condom run.
In my opinion, however, STIs are not the worst things to look to protect yourself from during sex. Viruses like Human Papilomavirus (HPV) and Mycoplasma Genitalium (Mgen), which is an STI-causing bacteria, can both be contracted even when safe penetrative sex is involved. You could get infected simply by touching, fingering, etc. an infected person. The worst part about these 2 infections is that even though both men and women can catch them, HPV can develop into cervical cancer while Mgen can cause pelvic inflammatory disease, making it hard for pregnancy to occur.
At this point, I may have scared you into thinking that I am trying to steer you off sex. I am not. Get this: people who have regular sex are said to have high levels of Immunoglobulin A, an antibody that fends off infection so sex might be the best way to stay healthy after all. Sex is also good for your heart, helps you burn body fat, curbs appetites, may alleviate period cramps and serve as a painkiller for headaches.
In a perfect world, sex would be the panacea of life, but nothing can substitute a good lifestyle of good food, good mental and spiritual well-being and overall body fitness. I am not an expert on women or on sex and to be honest, this is not a sex manual or anything of the sort. The concept of sex is not subject to my opinions. Enjoy it however it pleases you and try to make up your own positions or style along the way. Whether it is casual or with your partner, kinky or not, just make sure that you are safe and you are doing it because you actually want to.